The Soft Goodbye

I've been trying really hard to focus on finishing this chapter, I swear I have been. But without my notebook for half the week, and then crazy random demanding life moments getting in the way, it hasn't been the best week for my muses. It's been a little off in my brain, as well. They know I've been really bummed about Noah leaving, and also other things so they've been quiet. I don't really hear a peep out of them at all during the day lately, but we still gather together for "storytime" at night. Right before bed is when I do my devotionals and read a chapter of The Shack. Last night as I was reading, everyone was there except for Kenayde.

After the chapter was done and everyone was turning in for the night, I pulled Aislyn aside before she could scurry off. "Hey. Where was Kenayde tonight? She never misses this."

She shuffled her feet and looked around. "Who? Oh, Kenayde...yeah, well...she, uh...you know....I don't...um...what were we talking about?"

I looked at her with narrowed eyes. "Your sister. You know, the short blonde with big blue eyes. She kinda looks like you. Ringing any bells?"

"Oh, Nadie! Yeah, right. She wasn't...feeling well tonight. Just a little over tired, you know."

"Is she not sleeping well?"

"No, not really." Her voice had gotten quiet. "She's been trying to find Noah for you. Knows you're all hung up on losing him and thinks you're not writing because you miss him."

If I didn't think Kenayde was the sweetest character ever before, I did then. "Are you serious?" Aislyn only nodded. "Well where is she now? Can you take me to her?"

"Yeah. But if she asks, you threatened me with marshmallow peeps."

"Threatened with?"

"Yeah," she shuddered. "I hate those things."

As it turned out, Kenayde was not hard to find. When we found her she was reading something, and as soon as she saw us coming, shoved it under her butt. "Hey there, little sleuth. We missed you tonight."

"Sorry," she apologized brightly. Aislyn gave her a look. You know, one of those looks siblings can use to communicate with out words. Because of this, Kenayde sagged slightly and blinked. Excessively. "I was just too tired tonight."

"Uh huh," I said, not buying it at all, even when she forced a yawn. "Wanna tell me what's really going on? You're the one I always count on to tell me the truth. Don't make me rethink that trust I have in you."

Kenayde looked again at Aislyn. The older sister nodded and the other frowned as she returned her eyes to me. "I was looking for Noah, which I suspect you knew because of what you called me." She sighed. "I thought if I found him and brought him back, you'd start writing again."

"It's not because I don't want to write, girls. Seriously. I have ideas. It's just been a lack of time."

"And not because you lost Noah?"

"Listen, I'm sad Noah's gone. I'm sad all of The Others are gone. But really, they didn't help the muses for the book at all. If anything, they took from it."

The two shared a look again, and finally Kenayde produced what she'd been hiding. "I found this the other day."

Taking it, I saw it was a letter. From Noah. It said he was leaving and he would not be coming back. I could see both Aislyn and Kenayde watching me carefully, so I kept a stiff upper lip. And lower lip. "Well, at least we know he wasn't eaten by some random vampiric sheep or something."

"Really?" Aislyn questioned with skepticism. "You're not, like, gonna cry or anything?"

"What? No. Seriously, it's cool. I just wanted to make sure he was okay, you know." They both nodded slowly, like they weren't sure of they could believe me or not. "Really, it's fine. So you can both stop worrying, and I can get back to work. Actually, Kenayde, I still owe you a new face so I'll get to that soon. Can you both just go to bed now and we can move on with life in the morning?"

Kenayde jumped up and snuggled me. "Okay. Goodnight!"

I left them and headed back for my own bed. I kept the note. And yes, I was sad. I hate goodbyes, especially when I'm not there to participate.

Aislyn's Survey

When people smoke around you, does it make you cough? if they're like standing next to me or making a goal out of irritating me.

Would you rather name your child Michelle or Monica? michelle.

Do you know anyone who works at McDonald's? I do not know of this McDonald's. MacDonald is the smitty, and I do know who works for him.

Is it warm out enough to go out in a T-shirt where you live? Um...maybe would be a safe answer here.

Would you rather be able to teleport or be invisible? teleport!

If someone offered you a million dollars to move to the opposite end of the earth, would you? I like my homeland, thanks.

What do you do when you have an itch you can't scratch? complain.

What is your mom's and dad's favorite TV show? They don't watch TV. They probably don;t even know what it is. Heck, I shouldn't know what it is!

How did you get your hair the way it was today? Di's imagination.

Have you ever felt like you lost a a part of yourself? yes.

Who is your best friend's favorite relative? She's an orphan with no siblings. Want me to ask her, or do you want to ask her yourself to see how fast she cries?

Would you rather marry Batman or Superman? Batman gives me creepy mental images, so I'll go with the second choice.

Have you ever suspected your mom or dad of having an affair? No.

Do you think buying second hand clothes is gross? Thankfully I don't have to worry about that.

When's the last time you wished your day would just be over already? Um...it's been awhile.

If you found out the last person you kissed was moving to a different country, how would you feel? Pretty upset.

Who has the biggest eyes you know? Kenayde. Especially when she wants something.

Name something you know about algebra. *shifty eyes*

Does it gross you out when your parents kiss? No, I think it's beautiful and sweet.

Do you have a playlist made on Youtube? You-what? That sounds rather invasive.

Do you like dollar stores? Um...

What's the last thing you bought from one? nada

Are your eyes hazel? no.

Do you know anyone with hazel eyes? yes.

Are most of your books from Chapters, Coles, etc or used book stores? Most of my books are from Diana. XD

Do you like those big headbands with flowers Blair on Gossip Girl wears? Sounds rather gaudy to me.

How many people saw your last kiss? i don't know.

When you younger and misbehaved, what did your parents threaten you with? Loss of privileges.

Who has the biggest ego you know? Jaryn

Do you think it's weird how babies are made? No?

Has the last person you hugged ever seen you in only underwear? no.

If you walk by a mirror, will you check yourself out in it? depends on my mood.

Have you seen The Strangers? Which ones? I live with quite a few.

Have you ever lost a friend over the opposite sex? Almost, but no.

Describe your appearence right now. White dress, hair down, tired eyes.

Are you comfortable in a short skirt? NO!

Do you and your family go on a vacation every year? Vacation is a memory and not something I've had the luxury of for a very long time.

When you were going out with your last ex and you had the chance to date your celebrity crush, would you have left your bf/gf for them? I...don't understand the question. In fact, it kind of made my head spin.

Does your house have an alarm? *falls over laughing* Yes

What about your car? No car

Who was your most romantic moment with? Jaryn

Who does your most embarrassing moment involve? Not sure. Could be a few different people.

Does your dad swear? No. My father is a gentleman.

Do you sweat easily? I stay cool under pressure.

If your last kiss asked you on a date, what would you say? Since we are betrothed, I'd say yes.

When you like someone, do you picture what your children will look like? I have, yes.

What's one memory you wish would just vanish? The crate in my room.

---

Does everything happen for a reason? My sister seems to believe it does.

What is your biggest headache lately? headaches.

What color is your bedroom? Black and gold? I can't remember. Maybe I should reread that chapter. >_>

Do you consider yourself to be a nice person? i guess. if you catch me in the right mood.

Have you ever pierced your own body part or that of someone else? no.

What's one car you will never buy? Um, a car?

Do you cry in front of your friends? I don't cry at all if I can avoid it at all.

Would you die to save the life of someone you dearly love? Yes.

Do you have any married friends? yes.

Do you like thunderstorms? yes.

What was your first job? Princess

What was the last thing you typed before this survey? This is my first time typing.

Who was your last IM to? i don't use that.

Favorite word lately? nothing in particular.

What's the strangest thing that's happened to you in the past week? Hanging out with The Others when we burned The Shack.

You have a crush, don't you? Always

Who? If you haven't figured that out by now...

Do you talk a lot? I have my moments.

Name ONE trait you hate in a person. Stubbornness. Because it clashes with my own stubbornness.

Favorite writing utensil? Quill and ink.

When's the last time you made someone cry? i don't know.

Do you like the rain? yes.

Who was the last person you talked to in person? Jaryn

What are your plans for the weekend? Ask my human.

What do you cook the best? I don't cook. It's a good thing, trust me.

What kind of books do you like to read? The kinds that Di reads. We're reading The Shack right now, which is a little ironic. It makes me uncomfortable at times because I don't know where I stand as far as my faith in any higher power goes, but it's not bad.

If you win the lottery, what would you like to do? Don't know. Give it away to charity.

If you don't like a person, how do you show it? I am not quiet about it, but I will be civil. Unless they need to be disposed of. Then I take great pleasure in showing off my combat skills.

How long have you known your best friend? Since I was five years old.

What are you listening to? Silence

What was the last thing you laughed at? something Luella said to me.

What do you wish you were doing right now? Sleeping.

What musical instrument do you wish you could play? Bagpipes

What's the funniest experience you ever had at your job? Don't know.

If you could speak any language, which language would you speak? Maybe one of the Eastern languages.

What fingers did you use to answer this… RIGHT NOW? the ones on my hands.

Lost

I'd be lying if I said that life wasn't great these past few days. That's not to say that life in my strange land has been just as blissful. Two nights ago when we burned The Shack, I was informed that The Others were leaving. Although my first thought was that Aislyn threatened them, I was actually witness to a nice little send off from my Oceana crew as The Other went off the find greener pastures. Or mushier brains. Noah hadn't been present at the fire and I still hadn't see him up to that point. I was a little worried and talk to Kemayde and Tasarin about it after everyone had gone.

"Guys, I haven't seen him since before the fire. Do you think he just...left?" I was already having a hard time accepting all my other rp characters were leaving, but to have one just up and go without saying goodbye? Especially my little Noah? I don't think I'm mentally stable enough to be able to handle that.

"He doesn't seem the type to do that," Tasarin comforted.

"But it's weird though, right? Kenayde, you've been spending more time with him than anyone else here. Did he say anything to you?"

She shook her head. "No. But I agree with Tas. Noah's too nice to not say goodbye." She seemed to be saying that to ease my fears, but also for herself. I realized then that they'd become rather good friends, and she was wondering the same thing I was.

"Can't you just, you know, think about him and know where he is? Or will him back here or something?"

"It doesn't work like that. You guys totally have wills of your own, which sometimes frustrates the crap outta me I'll have you know. Jaryn was supposed to be you, Tas, but he refused to let me write him that way."

Tasarin blinked at me. "For real? Then who was I supposed to be?"

"You weren't supposed to be at all. The way I have envisioned Jaryn was a combination of who he is now, and who you are. So really, you have his stubbornness to thank for even being alive right now.

He looked sideways, as though Jaryn would be right there. "Huh."

"What about me?"

"Sorry babe, you are who you were always meant to be. Maybe even a little sweeter."

She smiled at me, completely happy with my answer. "That's okay. I like me and glad I didn't change anything."

"So getting back to Noah..."

"Oh, right." Tasarin frowned and looked around. "Maybe he left a trail of feathers or something.

Both Kenayde and I looked at him like he was nuts. "His feathers aren't like cat hair. They don't just shed and stay wherever he has been. And I'm pretty sure he wouldn't need to leave a trail to help him find his way back. Especially with his own feathers."

"I was just trying to help."

Kenayde frowned and stood up. "I'll go ask the others if they've seen him." She started off but then paused and doubled back, a hesitant expression on her face. "Um...since everyone else here has a face now, does this mean I get a new one finally?"

"Can we focus on finding Noah first, please?"

"Right." She nodded. "Right, of course."

"I'm still going to go look for that trail of feathers."

Okay, so apparently I am putting out a Missing Character report. If anyone sees a blonde shaggy haired boy with angel wings and blue eyes, let me know.

Night of the Dancing Flame

Well tonight was a night of changes. Aislyn finally took initiative and told everyone that tonight they would burn The Shack. I was at dinner with friends and hardly noticed at all until I got home and had time to just let my brain turn to mush. It was at that point that I realized things were eerily quiet. Okay, maybe eerily is a bit drastic. It was like the kind of silence that comes over a group when they are lost in thoughts only a fire can draw from a person. I found everyone gathered around the burning building so, donning a sweater, I joined them.

It was quiet for awhile, the only sounds being the crackling of wood when sparks were spit into the air. Knowing myself as I did, I decided to look around at the faces of my many characters before I let myself get lost in the flames. My Oceana crew seemed pensive, even the ever-lofty Luella. There was a certain amount of sadness that hung around them that was almost tangible. With The Others, there were looks of resignation, almost a sense of giving up. Even from Jocelin, who usually liked a good fire. Not entirely sure what was going on, I turned to Laidley, the person closest to ask a loaded question. "What did I miss?"

"A lot." He didn't bother to take his eyes off the burning building.

"Wanna fill me in?"

Jaryn sighed as if this were a laborious task set before him. "Aislyn decided we needed to burn the shack to put those poor unused creatures out of their misery. She asked Jocelin for help to start to fire..."

I blinked. "She asked Jocelin?" That was huge. The tiny redhead may have been a fire mutant and all it would take was a little flick of her wrist to set the shack on fire, but Aislyn controlled her own kind of flame. "What's that about?" I wanted to know.

"It was a show of good faith."

Good faith? "I'm sorry, good faith for what?"

Jaryn finally looked at me, his expression half unreadable from the odd shadows cast on his face, the other vacant of any discernible expression. "That they stay away." He saw me opening my mouth, confusion on my face, and nodded. "Don't freak out. We had another Campfire earlier."

"Wha...without me? Dude, you can't have Campfire without the Scout Leader...or...whatever...would be the NCIS equivalent. Anyway, what? What do you mean, stay away?"

Jaryn turned back to the fire. "It was actually Patrick's idea."

I looked around for Patrick and saw him standing by Kitty and Irish, completely lost in the flames. Putting my lips together, a I gave a short whistle that I so could not do in real life and caught his attention. After motioning for him to come over and join us, I frowned up at him. "What's all this crap about staying away?"

Sitting on the other side of me, Patrick nodded. "Yeah, we had a talk later. All of us...Others." He said it like it was a bad taste in his mouth. "We decided to go on vacation for awhile. Maybe permanently."

"What? Why? What happened?"

"Nothing, really. It was just a mutual decision. We all decided you need to focus more on your book and not us."

"Is this because I haven't been paying much attention to you guys? Because I'll work on that."

"No." Patrick's smile was serene and genuine. "It's cool. We all think it would be better this way. We'll still be around, just not so...prominent."

Suddenly I felt very sad. I knew what it was like to abandon a character, but to have a character abandon me? That was a terrible feeling. "Pat, I'm really sorry."

"I know." He still had the calm smile even though I felt like I was breaking up with seven different boyfriends at once. All my rp kids were leaving me. "We're going to head out after the fire."

"And we have a lot of work to do, starting tomorrow. There are plot lines that need to be better fleshed out and you know the more you write, the more characters will be birthed here."

I nodded, still feeling the sadness of knowing my brain would be...well, less full than usual in the morning. "I'll miss you guys," I said to Patrick. "Stop in now and then to say hi at least, yeah?"

"Of course." Reaching around me, I witnessed something I never thought I would. He extended a hand to Jaryn, which was taken and shaken as in true friendship. Oceana versus The Others. Except no longer. In the morning, there would only be ashes left where the shack had been. And even less of my Others.

"Alright, guys. Well...goodnight." I got up then, refusing to say goodbye. But as I walked away, I know Kenayde was watching me. Being the sensitive one of the group, I knew later she'd come check on me, maybe even make a little bed on my bedside table. I turned around once to wave and got returning gestures from Patrick, Jocelin, Rogue, Kitty, and Irish. Fischer saluted in a sarcastic sort of way, and Xander just kind of gave an odd, detached nod. It was then that I noticed Noah wasn't there. But suddenly, I was a little too tired to care all that much.

Bite it. Sideways.

It's amazing how quiet it is around here when a new chapter is posted. I would expect for everyone to be crazy loud and rambunctious, excited about what's going to happen next. But this always happens. I post the chapter, and it's like everyone gets all introspective or something. They all have to think about their actions they've taken in said chapter and mull over how they will be effected by these actions. So with things unbelievably quiet on the Oceana front, I decided to check in with my Others. They don't get a lot of time anymore, not nearly as much as they used to. Especially those who aren't in games at the moment.

I found Kitty and Irish together, bonding over the their common love of dance. No one else was around so I thought I'd say hey. "Hola, ladies. How's it?"

Irish looked at me loftily, foot still up on her barre. "We were just discussing the differences between contemporary dance and lyrical."

"Fascinating."

"I am more of a fan of contemporary because it ads in elements of all other dances. Lyrical is somewhat more limited."

I shrugged. "I just like to dance." They both looked at me with a pittying smile, like it was all so over my head. Probably was. Like I know anything about dancing. I just move when I'm told,
where and when. "So anyway, Irish, how's things at The Field?

Irish rolled her eyes, finally dropping her foot to the ground. "Okay, I guess. Slower than I'd like and not as meaty. But whatever. It's something."

"I know. I'm still shopping around, promise. Games just aren't up to our standard of quality anymore."

"It's really quite sad."

"I know."

Kitty frowned, doing a grand plie. "At least you're in a game."

I sighed, watching her. "I know, I know. Don't get your hopes up though, Kit Kat. I don't see myself throwing you or Rogue in anywhere soon. Not unless it's a super amazing game and...I don't know what else."

She was too nice to really say what she wanted, I could tell. She just nodded and went back to her stretching.

"So...any thought as to what was discussed at campfire?"

"The television thing's not so big a deal," shrugged Irish. "Kenayde has been sneaking over here to watch it for awhile now and none of the rest of her crew seems to care much about it. So that hasn't changed. And we've always gone where we wanted without regard to who would be offended or anything."

"So basically, nothing has changed."

Kitty shook her head. "Oh no, things have changed. We insult Xander a lot more."

"And how's he taking that?"

"This morning he told me to bite it. Sideways." The smirk she wore told me it hardly phased her. "I was tempted to actually bite him." The smirk turned into a grin and I was once again reminded who she got most of her training from.

"Yeah, that would have been the last thing I needed. So listen, I'm going to be doing some things around here to force you all to actually be in each other's space. Just, you know, fair warning."

Both girls looked at me warily, but it was Irish who spoke. "What does that mean?"

I shrugged. "I don;t know. We'll see. But we're having a bonfire soon."

"The Shack?" Kitty asked with wide eyes. "Fischer said something about it but I didn't think he was serious."

"Oh yeah. He was serious."

"Hey, where's Noah by the way?"

"He's...got a project. Don't worry about him."

I got some narrowed eyes turned at me but I wandered off before anyone could question me. The next week or so was going to be interesting.

The Shack

It's a rare thing when I seek out help from one of my kids. In fact, I don't know that I've ever really done it before. However, since Noah has become the angel on my shoulder, we've been spending a lot of time together and he's kind of become my conscience. I always knew he was a good kid, trying to follow his heart as well as staying true to his Christian beliefs. For some reason, I just never really saw the heart of him. Since he's afraid to leave me now for fear of lynching...or plucking of feathers... we've had many long chats and I've decided he is the best character I have ever created. I haven't told him this, let alone any of the others. But it's a truth I needed to share here.

Writing this morning had me searching for another character. I know, after the recent influx of new chibis that a new character seems a little unnecessary. But they're like bugs. No real names or face, and most of them have faded away anyway. This character needed to be solid and real. She needed a real face and a real name. And so I started asking Noah's advice. His advice? We go to...The Shack.

Now there's recently been a book published with the exact same title. It's been on my shelf for a little while, and without knowing what the book was about at all, they decided it would be the name of the storage unit I have for characters that were created but never used. I was a little worried about going there.

"Honestly, Noah, I haven't been to The Shack for a long time now and I'm a kinda afraid of what might be behind those doors. You leave the untamed alone for awhile and they tend to get a little...hungry."

Noah waved his hand dismissively. "Come on. What are you afraid of?"

I raised an eyebrow. "You've never seen the inside of that place. It's a lot bigger than it looks on the outside, and it's a lot...darker. I wasn't always a fluff writer, you know."

"I've read your battle scenes. I know. But really, what is there to be afraid of? Come on. We'll go together."

Sweet tiny Noah. My angel and my protector. So we made our way over toward The Shack, and I started to feel eyes at our backs. "I think we're being followed," I whispered.

"We are," agreed Noah. "An angel on your shoulder must always come with a devil."

Turning to peek, I see Fischer strolling casually behind us, smoking as I have told him before is not allowed, looking as though he hadn't a care in the world. He took a drag of his cigarette, then blew the smoke out with a grin at me. "Hey there, darlin'."

"Can I help you?"

"Just thought I'd take a walk. Breathe a little fresh mornin' air."

"I'm sure that goes well with the cigarette."

He smiled. "Breakfast of champions. So where are you and Wings headed?"

"To a place no man or heavily used character has ever gone before."

"Sounds like fun. Mind if I tag along?"

Like I had anything to say about it. Fischer was famous for doing what he wanted, when he wanted. And I'm sure he was missing Ribbon. She'd be a cute chibi, alas, she does not belong to me.

"So what're we lookin' for since we're obviously heading to The Shack of Doom."

"A new character," Noah answered, eying Fischer as the older man perched himself on my other shoulder. He was used to Fischer and could tolerate the man, even if he didn't care for him in the least.

"Won't that give Blondie a reason to holler." It wasn't a question so much as an amused statement. Fischer did like him some chaos.

So we reached The Shack and my hand was at the knob when the silence was torn apart by a, "WAAAAAIIIIIIITTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Out of nowhere, Jaryn comes streaking across the grass and throws himself in front of the door. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA OF WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO DO?!"

Noah and I kind of have the same confused and shocked looks on our faces, Fischer is just smug. "Dude, Jaryn. What's the deal?"

I had never seen Jaryn's eyes so big and filled with fear. Not even after he ate the last chocolate cupcake and Aislyn was in one of her moods. "If you open this door, you will unleash horrors that no one is prepared to face."

"Dramatic much? Jaryn, it's no big deal. I'm going in for one character. That's all."

He didn't say anything, just looked past me with the same terrified expression. Of course this made me turn around to see what he was staring at. On the hill behind us, with a sunset for her backdrop, was Aislyn. In full armor. Sword and all.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me."

"I will go in," she told us as she marched over to where we all stood.

"Aislyn, it's no big deal. You guys are blowing this seriously out of proportion. This is insane."

She looked up at me, green eyes narrowed beneath her helmet. "Perhaps we are the only ones taking this seriously enough. You..." Here she pointed her sword at me. "...are the insane one." Lowering her sword, she looked at Jaryn and nodded. "Open the door."

This was way more dramatic than I ever expected. The look on Jaryn's face was grim, but he finally moved, pulling open the door as he did. With a deep breath of determination, Aislyn moved inside and swung the door shut behind her. There was silence for a moment, then sounds of a clear struggle and a scream of indignation that could only have come from Aislyn. I heard Noah mutter a prayer while Fischer made himself more comfortable. Jaryn glared at me as though I'd just condemned Aislyn to her death. When it seemed like the tension would break us all, the door swung open, and Aislyn came out. Her helmet was off and her sword drooping. She looked at me in confusion.

"They...they're just sitting around watching Days of Our Lives."

This was surprising, if not amusing. I'd expected all the time locked up in the forgotten would make them crazy. Not the opposite.

"They're just a bunch of pansies. How disappointing."

"But we heard a struggle," Noah said with concern, "and a scream."

Aislyn shook her head, clearly let down. "I couldn't get my helmet off."

"Well that was very...anti-climatic. And I still don't have a character."

"You don't want one of them." She sounded so let down that I almost felt bad for her. "Trust me. They'd die before the chapter was even finished."

Well that was no good. "Well what the heck? Guys, I need a new girl. This is non negotiable."

"Well," hedged Jaryn, "why don't we all get together and create her." His looked pointedly at Fischer. "I mean all of us from the book."

I raised an eyebrow. "You'd really want to do that? Aislyn?"

Aislyn tossed her sword down so she could shrug before resting her hands on her hips. "Might as well. If your so bent on having a new chick, we might as well have some input." She looked at me. "Can I just make a suggestion?"

"Sure."

"Burn that shack." She looked at it once and shuddered. "I may have nightmares for the rest of my life."